Memories

Once in a while, when we look back to the way it used to be, we wonder, what if we didnt screw up? What if we dont do it? What if I do this instead? What if we're not there? What if I arrived late? What if I refuse? The questions with no answer. Or rather the questions we avoid.

Destiny. It is destiny. Bound by destiny we met. Bound by destiny we laugh together. Bound by destiny we love. Bound by destiny we break apart. Bound by destiny we met again.

Will we regret the decisions we made then? Will we succumb to our own undoings? Will us let it go? Or will us weep endlessly?

Bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Thus some of us chose to ignore. To let it be. Not to think about it. Not to mention even a bit. Not to question. Choosing to forget, but get trapped in the paradox of endless dilemma. Lost in the maze of predicaments.

Give up. Some may give up. Just stop pursuing, waiting, and even remembering. Those past that we held dear, we just let it go and never to see it again. Lost the will to stay and fight. Hoping it will end and eventually forgotten.

My friends. I cherish our times together. But most of the times, im just a piece of memory from your past that you choose to avoid.

My love, I've given everything. I patiently waiting, stay there for you and fight for my love. I hold on to our promises and never let go. But I eventually got so tired. When you love someone its easy they say. But you never see it that way.

The Hype

The always-there-after-you-blogwalk feelings

The feel of dusting off heavy pile of dirt buried your blog

Some cleaning needs to be done

Here and there

Tidying up the code some more

This half-assed design should be completed

It will..in time

TABULA RASA

You are, the blank slate

The blank block and a blank plate

The story you build, the hype you become

The need to please while you succumb

You are a numb ore

A pure sheet of dirt's core

A dumb excuse for living

And gone without saying

You shape what you want to become

You be what you want to be

But most of the time you are the prey

Of people's thought and their dismay

Some may succeed, the winner wrote history

Some may not, engulfed by their story

(The morning of glory, 2012)

Long Time No See

Salam...

Back from the dormant period (does this phrase applicable?). After long days of resting, now I'm back at last. My blog needs some repair, so it will be a while before I could post an entry. I'll be back. Its just the matter of time...I still have a lot to share, seriously...=]

Of Fork and Spoon

Salam...

1. Today is a special day, I suppose. There are people who are celebrating birthdays, having a trip sumwhere, watching movies, dating sumone special, and...blogging. Well then, everyday's a special day, if u put it that way. 
2. My best moments are, I suppose, the 5 years I had in Seti-J (SeTuJa, or just STJ, or SMSTJ), with the rest of 2001-2005 batch (named flare88, but since we have a mix of those born in 88 n 89, let's figure out other names). Frankly speaking, these are the moments which I hardly forget the most. We've been thru highs and lows together, expanding our vision (owh man, I feel like pairing expanding with empire...=p), growing up, loving, cheating, (ok3...i'll stop here...huhu). Yeah, I miss the moment much. I wish to revisit me at that time.
3. This is also the moment I miss them all so much. There are several occasions of reunion held, but unfortunately i can't be there [being in kmk is so much pain in d ass...haha]. Dunnow y, but, suddenly I felt like I want their presence here with me. Hm...
4. My first tyme there, was in (oke, I can't remember months quite well...huhu), I'm the 3rd intake, along with (okay, I forgot..=p), but the 2 dat I remember quite well is tayam n sapix, since I met both 1st when I got there, and they too, are my rumate eventually, aite? hehe...
5. My room dat tyme is AS37, our room's prefect is Abg. Hasrul, the bed below me is KA, next to me is sapix n g-rah, the opposite side is tayam, budu, muzzein, bullu, ajim. But then we hv an addition 2 d family, matpet (RIP) --- doesn't indicate he's dead, but he's transferred to another skul..=]
6. I was placed in 1 Bohr, I could remember Razwan, Shahir, haf (he is here, in UKM..huhu) g-ha (see, this species of aquatic mammal also featured in my blog...=p) choy (another aquatic species...), amni, er...who else? owh, yeah pearl, sat, is it her or piper? conductor of our choral speaking (which turns out to b champion). Sory for those who i dun list down...respond please, the complete list of ur classmate. I beg of u, my batchmate.
7. Though my class is 1 bohr, I spent much of my time while prep with my frens at 1 Einstein eventually (with budu, bullu, g-rah, ajim, tikom n sapix). That tyme, the monitor of 1E is g-rah, with yokoe as his assistant. Yokoe that tyme, is specky, and gossiped a lot with g-rah (guess who arise that...? hoho). 
8. I started my sports of choice with cricket for a day, but then I change to field hockey...until now. Among us who started since the first day is emmet, g-rah, KA, sapix, tikom --- (erk, short memory...help me dear readers).
9. Placed in English set 2, with my beloved teacher, Miss Umi. She's simply great, the one who inspired me to write, if u remember my last post. For most fellow students, she is scary, but for me she is really kind, devoted to his career as a teacher and treated us like her own son...=] I miss her much, anyone who knows how could I contact her, please help....please...do help...[act, I rely on miss jas 4 this...=p]
10. We (1B) attend interclass choral speaking competition, held during English week (if I'm not mistaken). We won, and the only phrase that I remembered until now is: "Dun give up easily, or you'll gain nothing. Perseverance is the mother of success, hardwork and prayers will do the rest..." =]
11. For now, diz is it...I'll continue later...
12. But for those who read this, please respond in the comments, tell me your story that time...=] (2001)...

The Heart

Salam...

Heart is a complexity. A unique element of living things which is hard to understand. When a heart communicating with another heart, they create a wave of understanding which is hard to decipher, or maybe it will also put on a barrier which create a fake understanding of each other. The latter, not surprisingly is hard to maintain. They will give up their communication and never to reconnect again.

That is the nature of the heart. To discriminate. Without it, we will be engulfed in this world without knowing which is friend, which is foe. The heart is pure, it is us who stain it. Still, we have the right to decide: to follow, or not to follow.

Right now, a heart is tormented. The cry of agony could be heard aloud. It is suffering, tortured. As a tribute to the heart, at 5.00 am, I composed these lyrics:

Satu hati yang ku beri cintaku

Satu hati yang ku jagai

Satu hati yang ku rindui

Satu hati yang ku sayangi

Malangnya hati diambil orang

Satu hati yang buatku bahagia

Satu hati meleraikan semua

Satu hati yang ku rindui

Satu hati yang ku sayangi

Malangnya hati itu menyakiti

Oh hati dengarlah suara hatiku ini

Mengapa kau pergi jauh dariku

Oh hati mengapa kau berdiam diri

Adakah bukan hatiku untukmu?

Kaulah sinar hidupku

Kini kau mengundang kelam

Kau bahagia disampingnya

Ku dikelar kesunyian

Apakah dosa hatiku ini

Kau calari dan sakiti

Bahagialah kau hati ku doakan

Agar kau sentiasa dalam redha-Nya

(It is a song. Actually, I have wrote songs since form 2. But since my fundamentals in music is not very strong, so what I have are mainly lyrics which only I knew how to sing it. I can't play any strings. The only instrument that I was taught was trombonne, trumpette and some percussions. I will try to work it out somehow. And, this is my second malay composition. A massive of my works are in English, as a way to improve mine.)

Rest, heart. You needs time. Even if no one is willing to care for you, Allah is always with you. InsyaAllah.

Friday Birds

The time is right

It's a cold Friday

Water dripping in a rush

The time is not after them

This bird has it in his heart

To fly high and mighty

Travelling as the water drips

For his soul in the far end

Of the world

This bird determined so hard

To glide with the chilly wind

Fighting to his last soar

For his soul afar

This bird keep it in the gut

To be with his soul

In their built house

Soaring the sky together

Be with his soul the whole time

Learning from each other

Forgiving, having all shared together

Having faith in each other

Be together to eternity

This bird has a dream

Of walking the life together

Spend the time together

Be in the little house together

Fishing the sky together

Gazing the horizon together

Many things...together

This is the Friday

That changed his bones and feathers

All the way the Friday

Which he awake

WHY WHY WHY

Why o pretty bird

Why is your song so weak

Why o mighty bird

Why is your wing exhausted

WHY WHY WHY

Why you silly bird

Why is your flight interrupted

WHY WHY WHY

Why you foolish bird

Why do you wail aloud

WHY WHY WHY

Why you poor thing

Where is your little house

Where is your little house?

WHY poor bird

What is dripping out of you

Flowing out of you poor bird

Black and dirty

WHY little bird

Where is your house?

Why do your body weakened

Stained blood

Black and dirty

Dreams are shattering

Seeping out of your veins

Slowly slowly it drain out

The little house you built

In a room inside your tiny heart

But now it seems

Black and dirty

WHY WHY WHY

This bird doesn't know

WHY WHY WHY

For him

Alive is not the matter

Raise from the calamity

And attend to

His soul is all that matters

This poor silly bird never knew

His house were destroyed

To the last bit

This bird never knew

His soul was no more his

His soul were given to another bird

Of stronger figure

And better physique than his

Of another Friday bird

This is the Friday

He lost his little house

And all the dreams

And all the memory

With his soul

For her, the little soul

Amend your life

Rest our memory within

Always will I pray for your

Happiness....

The Beginning....

Salam...

Hye folks, at last after much trials and tribulations, I managed to post an entry. Since this is the very beginning of my luvly little project, so let me introduce to you, the basis of my blog and the reason for me blogging out of nowhere.

Since this is my very 1st entry to this arithmatic of wisdom, allow me to mess with it a bit. This paragraph should be in arial, if it's not, then nevermi, nd, let us proceed. (I dun want to do a test blog...huhu..)

And this paragraph should be in Lucida Grande. If it's not then again, nevermind. Please, people dun laugh. Yes, especially u g-ha.

I guess I shall stick with Verdana as in this para. Wut do u think..? Yep, it's great...hehe

Wait, shall it be in courier...? See, notepad look, quite interessant...=] Just a few of german vocab, that i knew quite well. I remembered a moment while we're in Berlin where Che Nab (He's a guy dear sweet reader) reacted towards Hanif's confession (this, I would tell u later):

"Ein interessante Freundin"

(An interesting girlfriend)

Of coz, grammatically I think it is a bit wrong...hehe

Owh man, I'm writing in Courier...wait...

There, Arial is better. Hehe, wutever u say, dear people, I will continue writing it like this...=p

Okay, to do sumthing, the moment which is the hardest would be to start it. Now, I've started typing, and I dunnow when to end already. So, weblog, as it implies, is the log for your web (haha, evryone could say that, even Akem). Before this, you need a website, a webspace, a good ftp tool, a great website tool, a decent knowledge of HTML, a domain, a kentang foundation of applets, and a great will --- all to create a website, and to start logging your web. Now, you need google, since google will lead you to blogger.com, then sign up, then there you go! I'm posting an entry to my blog..hehe...quite easy, and more importantly, it is convenient! Congrats people, ure utilizing one of the future wonders of the world.

So, why are you blogging? Is there not enough things that u could do already? Actually, I luv to write. That habit could be traced back in my schooling time. STJ (I know sum of u dun even know the existence of this school, even those in SBP). Since we have to write at least 7 entries in our journal per week, I took that as a great opportunity and I began to write. My first entry was the very boring over-exposing, over-complimenting self-obsessed story about myself. Yeah, a bored autobiographical essay. ----at least I think so...but then, when I was in form 3, my teacher (our beloved Miss Umi, oh, I hope she could read this...help me anyone, we haven't been in contact for almost 4 years) realized there were sumthing different in my essay. She actually touched mainly on my way of writing it, not the grammar, my grammar was terrible (until now, i dun even realized if I write it grammatically correct or not). What I understood from what she said was that my essay had a great beginning rather than ordinary one day, or once upon a time, or..wutever it is and coupled with a few elements of surprise (wha! the way I'm telling u was like my essay was a great hit or bestseller, a blockbuster perhaps...hehe). That made me the center of attraction from my classmate. An ordinary boy, suddenly came up with sumthing (owh, sory dear readers, still my entry has that self-obsessing style..=p). That is the reason for my confidence in writing. Thanks a lot Miss Umi, you really pushed this ordinary boy far from his limit. =]

Actually, I've owned this account for almost 2 years, but I couldn't do a thing. Nuthing catalyze me to do it, nuthing inspire me. But then, I came across this blog of sumone which turned out to be one of my classmate. It is funny actually how I discovered his blog. There is a band out there which my friend mentioned.Cynic, have u ever heard of that? Sitting in front of my laptop (she's Queen, I named her...she turned out to be a female. I found out early of this semester since she's sensitive. Dun wory, I'll write about her later...=]) I dunnow what to do to kill the time so I google for Cynic, then member of the cynics. The first result was a blog link, and getting bored waiting for my friend, I decided to read it. Wah, ujeng? I remember the face, clearly it is in my mind. But, not the tummy...I wonder where he got that...=p (oops). But hey, people, his blog is interressant. Seriously, but since I haven't had his permission to link to him, so that could wait. His blog stimulated me (can I get rid of such biological jargon anyway?) to start a blog. His blog really is great (yeah, of coz ujeng, u could treat me later..=p). It's funny how I could land on his blog. This world is small if men never invented measures and numbers, isn't it?

So, that is how I decided to start a blog. I would like to share my thoughts to the world (a little ambitious...huhu). So, a blog, but what kind of blog?

Political blog? No, please not. There are a plenty few which you see scattered over the web. But one thing about those blogs are they are driven by their ideologies, and that is okay. Blogging is for such a purpose. Here, though, is different. ISA? Remember? That is for anyone...huhu. To be there, without trial. It is for your family, your son, your colleague, or even me. Better stop writing bout that. Well, political blogs are everywhere, so mine will not be one of it. =]

But I decided to have my own ring of blog. Sum of them would be photoblog, n others. But I don't think of having a Vlog yet. For now, not yet. That can wait...hehe.

So here's my blog. A place for me to express wutever inside me and at the same time maintain my unique narrative style (see, self-over-complimenting weirdo...=p) so that u would feel like I am sharing this with you, and only you =]. Yeah, about the header, its quite huge. Those with 600x400 res would only see that filling their screen. Dun wory my dear sweet readers, I will have it fixed ASAP.

Okay, tyme for some CoD. Later guys n gals. Leave your track please, dun hit n run...=]

Hamlet:
"O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!" Shakespeare